Amar (to think out loud)

Nothing Compares

2011-11-30T17:54:00.001-08:00

Mortifying

2011-11-12T19:00:00.000-08:00

Here is a new word for you; Mortification. It comes with the idea that you battle ones sin; inner battle of the flesh, on your own strength trying to achieve the holiness of religion. I would have never thought of myself as such but when you take inventory of yourself, I saw a works based faith rather than an obedient faith. Yes, we have a responsibilty to put to death our old ways; but true mortifucation must be done under the strength and direction of the Holy Spirit. Sanctification happens when you are obedient, not a self-reliant war within yourself.

I knew works were nothing if it did not come out of faith, but just because you know it, doesn't mean you are following it.

Dig deep within yourself

Security in our most falible sense.

2011-11-05T21:41:00.000-07:00

In my pursuit of following Jesus in its purest form, there has been an awareness of how much a false sense of security I have had in my faith. As you grow up you have a belief that your dad is the strongest guy alive. He can solve anything; but when you become a dad, you are aware you don't know jack. When you a teenager you have a feeling that you have it figured out, then you hit about 25 and that idea goes south quick.

My question is; when will I grow up in my faith and have that clarity moment? I had a belief growing up that if you didn't go to my church, you were a second rate christian, or my denomination for that matter. If you didn't worship God like me you were missing out. Why did I have that belief when other christians had that same thought toward me? If it were up to us individuals, I think heaven would be lonely; you would be the only one in heaven along with some poeple form your church. Which isn't reality. What it is I don't know with my fickle mind.

I am in pursuit of this clarity of holiness. I know what the bible says and I believe it but what does it look like in your head. I can't quit seem to get through all the preconceived ideas from when I was a child.

What we think and believe is a twisted version from scripture sometimes. We have a belief that we hold onto, a belief we have partially made up from scripture and our own reason, and thats our theology. Pretty messed up, but we believe in our hearts that its right, becuase we got it from scripture, but more or less its the enemy has decieved us. Taking a few lines of scripture and turning it into a dogmatic belief when we have not taken the time to study and research the text.

I believe that a false sense of security plagues us all; we rely lazily on grace in case we are wrong, but we have missed out on the true life-giving breath of the scripture, because we didn't dig past our superficial english language and get to the heart of the Holy Word. How dare we defend our customized theology on lazy findings.

Dig deep and don't stop.

Rob

A Change of Kingdoms

2011-11-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

First of all, I need to say that I found this title in the chapter of my book. I didn't come up with it. Anyways, this pursuit of holiness (current book I am reading) ,really used to be a tiresome chase. Always evading me, operating under my own will power. It has taken me some time to really get this; Spending time in his presence really does change you, and fasting during this process really digs deep within your soul.

This chapter is all about going from the Kingdom of Sin to the Kingdom of God, which is grace, love, and hope. Sin will always be chasing us. It is a law of the flesh working with our natural instincts to be used in a manner other than its purpose. It's a war in the spirit realm. If you are tired of battling with sin, that is a good indication that you are not living in Christ and you are doing it on your own. It has taken me some time to get this clear in my head. It took some prayer and fasting.

Even though we all will struggle with sin; laying down the old self, which always wants to come back up, is a daily thing. Paul says "not to let it reign in your body", meaning don't let it grow and feed it. Soon enough it will be a habitual thing, again.

Sin no longer has power over us. If you are in Christ, you know the difference of holiness and sin. You now have a choice, when before you didn't. You may have had a selfish view of sin. You have tried to overcome it, but you forgot that is already done for you. Our responsibility is how we respond to temptation. Here is some advice.

1. Just stop fighting it.
Get your focus on God. Pray and fast. Some sins you can't get control of until you fast. I had to ask God for the desire to stop "cherished sins" in my heart. You may have to do the same. Then however long that takes, ask Him to give you a desire for holiness.

2. Focus on your relationship with the Lord
Again, stop fighting and rest in the victory that Lord has already won. There is nothing you can do that can make God be impressed with you. Actually, us trying to be holy under our own power is a putrid stench to God, because through our actions we are saying what Christ did wasn't enough. He wants us to know that you are Holy and being perfected day by day. Walk the journey.

3. Accountability
I know you have heard this before and It didn't work. Well, I would say it didn't work because you were not truthful with your accountability partner and you didn't meet regularly. This is a discipline in itself. I would suggest that if you have a hard time with accountability, then ask a strong believer to hold you accountable. Like a pastor, mentor, or a church member.

This stuff works. It is practical. I thought for so long that it didn't, but I see now that it was me trying to do it myself rather than focusing on God. I had to ask God to help me understand some basic things. I needed to practice the basics and understand them.

Send me a question anytime you need.

Live Deep.

Rob

What I thought...it wasn't

2011-10-24T17:19:00.000-07:00

I believe most of us have a decent and balanced view of ourselves. At least in our own heads. You don't know if your cool but you know you are not a real dorky weird person. Your average, when it comes to the real world, but in our own minds; we are cool, have great ideas, always right, and qualified at any job you want to have. See, even now can't you tell what I think in my own mind. Its okay, we all do it. We all think of ourselves more highly that we ought too.

I took this to a deeper level some weeks ago. I was really bothered by my own self. Believing that I was more of a Godly man, husband, and father, than I really was. Mediocre came to my mind and it really bothered me, to the core. It shook me, scared me, even put some "fear of the Lord" in me. Not fear of going to hell, but it was the glory of God that I wanted to see; then I read a chapter in "Pursuit of Happiness" by Jerry Bridges, and a verse caught my attention; "Make every effort to I've in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord." I am not going to go into all the the commentary on this verse, but I will say it shed some light on my spiritual condition. I had bought into the lie that I was good spiritually, when really I was mediocre, going stagnant.
I saw that I needed to take responsibility for my own sin; stop justifying some "cherished sins in my life", as King David put it in Psalm 66:18.
This journey is going from the outer court of the Temple grounds, into the inner Courts. Past what is unknown; Priestly courts then the Holy of Holies. Even the Priestly Courts will be mostly foreign to me. I may have only seen inside for just a small while. Each court and room is smaller, and the smaller it is, the more dedication and faith is required, for the lack of better terms. This will be a journey of humbled brokenness.

Live Deep.

Walls, Sand, and Stories

2011-10-16T19:18:00.000-07:00

Today, an older gentlemen with his wife, slowly pulled up to the house. As got out, he looked around as he strangely made this place familiar. He looked at the changed surroundings, imagining what it was 80 years ago. It was a worlds difference from what it is now. History has been played out, and from this house, so much of it is unknown. Being gone for more the a half century, you wonder if your beginning abode is still there. Does it look similar to what it was, so many years ago? To much of his joy, it was still here. Harbouring a new and young family. "Still in good shape with some modifications:", he said.

He introduced himself to me, Robert was his name; ironic as I introduced myself as "Rob Kelsey". We invited him in, and no sooner he stepped in the door he pointed to my wife and I's room, "I was born in that room", he said. Looking around, he took pictures of our backyard, you could tell he was happy to see it again, "for the last time", he said. Walking around the yard he showed me where the rose bushes were and where his grandmother picked raspberries. Coming here was like a scene in "Citizen Kane", where he recalls moments from being a child in the house where he was born.

As quickly as he came, he left with a smile and a few pictures of a memory.

If walls could talk, I believe the story they would tell would touch every emotion of the human psyche. They tie peoples lives together. Our stories are connected but for the most part, unshared. Sad really, walls, just like sand, contain the stories of many lives that move to and fro on this earth. I was lucky to hear a small story of this man's beginning. A privileged it is to have met him. Thank you Robert for coming by and sharing your story with me and my family, I wish we all could have sat down for coffee and shared more. Best wishes to you and your family.

Robert said that he has been living in Arizona.

Funny Part of my life

2011-09-26T21:16:00.000-07:00

Do you have a funny story of your life that also haunts you when you encounter an object that reminds you of that event? Mine is peas. Yes, the little green vegetable that was once told to "put hair on my chest". What if I didn't want hair on my chest? A daunting question for a young boy of 10 years old.
This little green vegetable is a part of my life in a way that ties my sister and I together; blood line is just the beginning. This weapon of torment, the pea, is healthy in one sense, but used in the wrong way can have stomach-churning consequences. I do eat it to this day but for years, from that one event at the dinner table, I haven't touched since my late teens, possibly early twenties. I was sitting there eating dinner when I grabbed that last bit of peas; unknowingly my oldest sister wanted them as well. I took a few bites and decided I was done. Being the artist I am, I thought I would try and create the "Mona Lisa" in vegetable form. My sister didn't like my art; jealous of my rise to vegetable stardom, the master piece, full of other condiments and textures, was viciously crammed down my throat. Strong she was, her hand never moved but by my own hand I ate every last pea concoction on the plate. Eating art never sets well on the stomach.

I can't look at a pea the same. I do like to eat them, but nevertheless I have been ever so shaped by the pea...and my sister.

Walk in Progess

2011-09-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

6By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for,
and by the fear of the LORD one turns away from evil. This verse, has been pondered on for a few days now, by me. Scripture has a reflective quality, one in which I believe the Lord intended, and it truly is living, cutting though all the bull that you make yourself believe. Self-justification being one of them, plus my mind gets foggy when it comes to walking by faith and not by works. I have been taught, indirectly of course, that we are saved by faith and not by what we do; though faith without works is dead. Confused, but working on getting it straight, not for salvation, but simply getting away from American Christianity mindset. Western thinking is rather faulty. It was never about works to be saved, but I had to read my bible and pray everyday, share my faith once a day, and so many others or I wasn’t being a disciple of Christ. I do understand what they are trying to teach, but it totally taught me the wrong thing and live out my faith in a despicable way. I have lived this way for twenty plus years and it is a mindset that is hard to break. I still find myself proving myself to God and gaining his favor again after I mess up. I had heard of “being justified” but I remember more about sanctifying yourself rather than knowing that you are righteous before God. It came off as, faith by works rather than saved by faith. Focusing on “fruitful works” and sanctifying yourself, takes away from knowing that you are in right standing before God always, when you receive him. Sins forgiven Past Present and Future.

2011-09-09T15:02:00.001-07:00

I really believe that sacrifice is the only thing that truly makes us happy in life. Pleasure rots your bones, no matter how good it feels. Even if its meaningful, it rotting you away. It’s a numbing agent that is honey to the lips; it won’t kill you either, it will keep you living a long time. Pleasure is pleased at your stench of rot, and can’t get enough of it. That is why it keeps you around. It has you convinced that it is good.

What is your creative enviorment?

2011-01-19T17:41:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I have sat down a blogged, written, or done any creation of original thought. This is refreshing, I have to say. The spot I am sitting and where I am is really not any creative atmosphere, but the one who inspires me is sitting next to me doing her own creation. I love it. Fortunately, she does her creation as a job, a living; I don't. I love what I do, which is working for SRC Electrical doing reman work for alternatorsk starters, and genreators, but I work long days and by the time I get home from work my time is lavished on my family, some house work, then passing out into bed only to hear my alarm at 4 a.m. So my my creative enviroment is pure quit; no music, noise, or talking just thoughts and thinking; wallowing in the creative void.
This world lets me be. Be. I am. To be. Exist in the shape and form that I go. any direction my original mind takes me. Seeking to see things without the lens of my life. Soemtimes I feel like Alice; I want to see where the rabbit hole goes and what inscrutable world I can create.
This longing is what I have been made to do. Create like my creator. I am made in His image. Take me deep into the rabbit whole.

Sand box Musing.

2010-05-23T06:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while my daughter was playing in the sand box, I thought of an interesting muse. Sand is fun substance that many of us have played, dug in, and felt the chaffing between you thighs. The most soft and fine sand has been hammered by the waves, rocks, and seasons. Sand and dirt has been around since God created it. What kind of story would it tell? How many different things has it seen? The magnificent things is that God knows where they all have been, and what all they have seen. Maybe that is the question that I will asked God?

Anyways, while I was sitting there I wrote this;

Sand is an interesting piece. It holds vast amounts of information, shapes, and sights. It is material that tells a silent story. It knows all of history, time and season in the path it has traveled. But it won't tell you a word. Sworn to secrecy by its God creator. Don't let them cry out. You will be out of time. Hell awaits you to be silent. Cry aloud praise.

Write in the sand, it holds all your secrets. Erase them. Tell it who you are. Who you want to be. Tell it why you will fail.

Tell it your story, and it will soon forget it when the waves and wind come, but it will always know your secret.

Live Deep

Rob

3rd Muse

2010-05-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

What noise or silence that just won't go away?

Here is a portion of the poem "Invictus".
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

Many of us believe that we have a soul. Our soul tries to learn about the body it is in, and the mind tries learn what is in the soul; and the body is simply a slave to the will.

Deep

Very deep...

With in us there is this groaning that shrieks, because something isn't right. Everything has a scheme pointing to something. A troublesome journey can help to reveal, but our mind or soul needs help. We fell off the shelf and fractured and now we don't work right, but the crafter will still take us.

What is wrong in the universe?

This quandary haunts me. It's silent groaning is piercing; agitating my soul.

Have you heard it?

Turn off everything and sit in the dark silence.

Listen.

It's the creation lamenting for the creators redemption.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

Invictus

Live Deep

Rob

2nd Muse

2010-05-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

2. Write about someone who is pretending to be someone they are not.

It says to write about someone, but I am not really wanting to write fiction, that will come at a later time, right now I will give some thoughts on my what I have pretend be.

Growing up, teen years, you have the idea that you know who you are, what your interest are, what style of music you like, what you want to do for a living, what kind of girl you like, what you like to eat, invincible complex, and the know-it-all complex. The idea I had is that by 21 you would have a good idea. NOPE. Seems like it was 25 for me, and for many others also. So up and till about now I have been pretending to be a bunch of things I am not.

I wonder how different you would be if peer pressure, trends, and popularity were not a factor?

What if you got to chose without the pressure of being cool?

At this stage in my life, I am settling down with my family into a career, looking to a 401k, and planning, planning, planning; and still all the while discovering who I am and what I believe. At 25, I became a child again when I threw all that I knew about life, God, work, marriage, etc. I began to look at things from every angle possible. Ancient rabbi's said that God was like a seventy faced gem; every way you looked at him the light of His Glory refracted differently. That is how I am trying to look at things. My view growing up was just one piece of the puzzle, others have the other pieces to the big picture.

Not all pieces will fit the puzzle,

Not all will feel right,

Some pieces will be lost..forever

Don't forget about the other pieces.

Live Deep

Rob

Musings

2010-05-16T14:28:00.000-07:00

A while ago I bought a book called the "The Pocket Muse", which renders the mind to meditate or ponder deeply. I guess that would make me a muser. I love to think deeply and about, well, everything. I will be going through this book and producing my inspirations.

What are you waiting for? If not now, when?

My mind pulls me in such different ways all the time, meaning things I want to do and be, until reality kicks me and I am brought down to my knees, only to get up for work and grind it out. What am I waiting for? Somedays I spend my free time on figuring out what I really want to do with my free time and by the end of it, its time for bed. Shoot. I have my orders from America itself, my day to day, paid every two weeks, put money I don't have into the 401k I don't own. Is this what really we want to do as a culture? There are so many things we all want to do, but at the same time we don't let each other leave our jobs, though vacation and the weekend is what we live for. What a twisted circle we chase. You know that one song? "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage?" AAAAAHHHHHHHH. Yeah, you know that song, or you know the feeling.

What am I waiting for? Waiting to discover the discovery that ends the hunt; but then without it, how will I know that I am done? Paradox.

If not now...when? I am not sure when I will get to the point my soul is at ease with the Jesus that I follow. I am discovering my Jesus' all the time. You the Roman catholic Jesus, the Assembly of God Jesus, the Baptist Jesus, the Episcopal Jesus, the Reformed Jesus, the emergent Jesus, Orthodox Jesus, the cultural Jesus, the Jesus of the oppressed, etc. Seems like all these views of Jesus are just a puzzle piece of a beautiful yet unfinished discovery of the Trinity Jesus.

What are you waiting for? I didn't even know I was waiting. I was so enthralled with musing that I didn't know I was waiting to think about what I was waiting for. What? Am I supposed to be waiting? What have I missed that I was supposed to be waiting for? Did I miss the wait? Or do I wait to figure out what I need to wait for.

What am I waiting for? A lucky break. Money. No taxes. Saturday golf. Movie night. Date night.

If not now...when? I start my new job at 6 am. Not sure what I am doing or the exact amount of my wage. Just know it was better than the last. Trying to figure out what path to take.

What are you waiting for? My brain is twisted trying to figure out what is real and what is not. Who is in control and who isn't. Is the universe really that big or are we just like Horton hears a who? I believe the latter. What history is true and what was written by the winner of the battle.

What are you waiting for?

If not now. When?

Live like a muser

Rob

27 Questions Pastors Ask Book Review

2010-05-09T15:23:00.000-07:00

Chapter 2; 5 Reasons Senior Pastors don't lead there churches.

This was definitely an interesting chapter, because I have been part of church that had one of these scenarios in one sense or the other. Some Pastors are simply just puppets; visit the sick, preach, weddings, and funerals. I do miss being at a church and being a pastor, I don't miss the politics and the drama. Here are the 5 different scenarios;

1. Board runs the church.
The board is made up of members of the church that have been voted in by the body. Typically, the members are men that have been with the church for a number of years. The board has the power to hire, fire, and make decisions. Now in my opinion, church boards function in ways that they were not suppose to do. the bible gives examples and descriptions on what "board members" duties in the church are, but at this point I am not going into that.
2. Church votes on everything
This is typically in small churches where the congregates have been there for years and they control everything that is done in the church. Since they are the "tithe payer" they see it as a democracy and vote on the color the new carpet to the flowers for easter! It is ridiculous!
3. Staff runs the show
When pastors come into a existing staff, it can be difficult to establish your position. This is mostly difficult when churches go through many lead pastors.
4. Nobody runs the show
Everything here is on autopilot. The same things are done every week, everything is predictable. It is bad when you can quote the pastor when he hasn't said anything yet! These churches are lifeless, boring, and should be closed up!
5. Pastor leads by everyones approval
Some pastors can't stand it when people are unhappy with him. This is typically because the people are the tithe payers and sadly enough money runs the show. So if the pastors keeps people happy, the "already tight budget", doesn't get tighter!

These scenarios are very much out there, and in a whole lot of churches. I am glad that Dick Hardy has written this book, and I hope and pray that our reviews get to many pastors. If one pastor thinks he has none of these issues, fails as a leader. I can only think of a handful a national leaders and local leaders, that handle these issues correctly, the rest are in denial and to entrenched into denominational doctrines, traditions, or making there name! Being a pastor is tough, especially in a culture in which method of church and denomination is very twisted.

"27 Questions Pastors Ask." Book Review

2010-05-09T14:56:00.000-07:00

I have an opportunity, along with some others, to blog and review Dick Hardy's new book "27 Tough Questions Pastors Ask." Even though you are not a pastor, you should read it. This book will benefit the Body of Christ as well as Pastors. I hope you enjoy!

Question 1; Do numbers really matter to God?

This question has always put pastors in a awkward position. Numbers tend to signify success or failure, healthy or unhealthy, and then they get you to compare your church with another. That is a dangerous pitfall! It does not matter what kind of church you are in; numbers matter to God. If they didn't, he wouldn't ask us to go out into the harvest field. I, as a pastor, have fallen prey to the numbers game; thinking it matters then it doesn't, its all about quality not quantity. Well, I never did think about it much because I wanted to "humble", but when it came down to it, when you had more students than the other guy, pride would well up.

Dick does a great job at not just telling you "solutions", but he has interviewed many great pastors that back his work. Numbers matter, because they are people, and people are ministry and ministers.

Though after reading this chapter, I still have a thought. Since numbers matter and growth is most important, should all churches be larger and larger? From what I gather, it would seem churches should never stop growing, and we should have some huge churches. What do you think?

2010-04-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

sitting here on my lunch hour, pondering and enjoying a gorgeous day. I have plenty of things going on, working, still trying to get settled, and still looking for a solid career worthy job. Meanwhile, my whiteboard walk of faith has been energizing, a whole different world of faith in christ. I have a few good friends who are on the same road as me, and it has been quite the eye opener of who God is. Well got to get back to the grind. Live deep.

rob

My WhiteBoard Enigma

2010-02-28T14:20:00.000-08:00

I started this whiteboard life a few months ago, and it is more of a daunting task than what some might think. ( To understand what I am saying it would be helpful if you read the blogs prior to this one.) It was a relief to erase everything and not feel like you had to have all the answers, but after this short time you have the feeling that you need to get some of the essentials together. I have Jesus in the center. I love Jesus. But now I am needing to tackle the crux of Christianity; Grace and Holiness.

A crux is a difficult problem requiring a resolution.

We love grace because we use it as a sin card, but yet Jesus says be perfect as I am perfect. How can you have grace and be holy? If you are holy then there is no need for grace, but if you need grace, then you are not holy! Such mystery plagues my mind. But, I know that it can be cause Christ defeat the crux.

Another thing that is causing turmoil in my spirit is my American Christianity and what it tells me to be a "Christian", and what I see in the bible as a Follow of Christ. The two are in contradiction most of the time. Let me illustrate this as short as I can. I believe, and see in the bible, that you do not have to go to church on Sunday morning to be a christian. Simply, fellowship with believers, communing, praying together, and things like these. But, when I am at Sunday morning church, it does feel good and it is good, I feel a little to comfortable. I sit back and do the same thing I would do at a movie theater, consume what is being spoken and shown. My flesh feels good, but I am not sure if that is a good thing. Now, don't get me wrong, Sunday morning church is good, but that can't be it, it is hardly fellowship with other believers. It is a good way to show your worship, receive a teaching, be generous with giving, but it can't be the only way; that is what plagues American Christianity.

So, I am working my way through the mud; a battle of tradition versus Grace and Holiness.

The key is Jesus.

Living in the Crux

Rob

quick update

2010-01-10T20:42:00.000-08:00

Well, Here is a quick update on me. I recently accepted a job at Reliable Toyota in Springfield, MO. It is definitely a different direction and I have never sold cars before, but only 1 week into it and I can see that I am going to like it, especially after I get through all of my certification tests. the one draw back I see is time for a few things; one is time with Rachel and Ireland, and 2 less time to blog, read, study, and possibly get my masters. But where there is a will there is a way.

The Family is doing well, Ireland is being a great two year old, smart as all get out, and Rachel is enjoying a management position and in 6 months she will be managing her own store. Rock out!

We both miss out students up in Auburn Hills, MI, so here is a shout out to Authentic Youth Ministries. Live. Love. Lead. Students, you guys were a best part of Rachel's and my life. We love you guys!

So, the rebuilding journey continues. When what you have built gets tore down, build anyways. When you are misunderstood, be who you are anyways!

Run into the depths of who God is... and erase your whiteboard!

Rob

Parents Faith VS Teen Faith

2009-12-22T19:59:00.000-08:00

There are many confusing things in life that you need to sort through, and figure out how you are going to accomplish your goals, but when you throw children into the mix it is no longer t-ball or a tea party. You are always wondering if you are doing it right, and in the long run, if they will love Jesus all their lives. Being a youth pastor, I have talk with numerous parents that are worried about their teenager’s faith. At this age, teens are starting to question the faith and church, and parents see that as a bad thing, but rest assured parents it is not bad. Many students leave the church, mentally and/or physically, because their questions are not answered. As a parent, your “because the bible and the pastor says so” answer won’t cut with this generation. They want to have there own faith, discovered by them, and find ways to flesh that out.

In Proverbs 22:6 it says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” This verse can be taken out of context and misunderstood. Notice in the verse that you are training a child in the “way”. If you recall Jesus said that he is the “way” and you are precisely training your child to love Jesus, but I encourage you to take a closer look at what in particular you are teaching your child. Let me ask you some questions. Have you ever told a bible story to your child and left out parts that you thought he or she might not understand? Have you taught your kid to read a specific translation of the bible because you do? Have you taught them to give God your best on Sunday mornings? Now, what I am not doing is saying that what you have taught your children is wrong, but I am wanting you to take a moment and consider what your expectations are when they are more independent. I often explain to students, which complain about what their parents make them do, that God’s word teaches that they will be blessed if they obey their parents. (Being married and with a two year old daughter, I have more understanding of that teaching.)

What you teach your teenagers as small children is good, but take a closer look at some the things I pointed out earlier. Do you have scriptural foundation for many of the traditions you hold on to? Let me ask it in this way; do you have scriptural foundation for the “why” and “how” you do christianity? As a young pastor, I discovered many of the things we do as believers are not necessarily scriptural, and sure we can twist many scriptures to say what we want, or take Old Testament rules and regulations and use them as law rather than principles, but many of our methods were not methods of Jesus.

Parents, let me encourage you, questions from your students are a good thing, but don’t give them the cliché churchy answers. They see right through that. If you don’t know the answer, then be honest and work with your teen to find it. And if there is not an easy answer then leave it that, teenagers are ok with that, they are just wanting to discover if God is who he says he is. Teens look at things very differently than you do. Even their view and opinions can bring contentions between you and you teen. If the way you do things in your home is a constant argument with your teen, then try this; sometime sit down with your student or take them out to get away and discuss the points of contention. Listen to their reasoning on why they don’t believe how you believe, you just may learn something new about God. The faith of children and young teens are way beyond hardened adults. Pay attention to them.

Let me illustrate from of my own life. I grew up in the typical Christian home. Taught how to be a good by my parents and my church. Recently, I have been confused about church, my faith, and God himself. You will find many students that are the same way. Instead of trudging through everything I have been taught one-by-one, I simply erased everything off the whiteboard. I wrote Jesus in the middle and started with “the way” and everything else I am reconsidering. My parents did a great job at raising me and teaching me Jesus, but everything else is just the way they do things. I love Jesus. I see His Word in a new light. I feel truth and freedom. If this is who I am, then my parents succeeded. They trained me well. I am in love with Jesus more than ever. Isn’t that the point?

Don’t push your kids to be good Christians so much that you push them away. I have seen parents do this very thing. I have mentored and talked to many students that have preached at so much that they only come to church because they have to. I also have seen numerous students come back to a deep love for Jesus. What happened? It was someone that was real with them, challenged them and helped them articulated what they were feeling and thinking. Someone reassured them that it is ok to do things differently. Students feel less spiritual or off track with God because they have no desire to “do” Christianity in the way the church or everyone else does. So many students thought they were terrible Christians because though they read their bible and prayed everyday, they didn’t “feel” what they were told to feel, but after pointing out what Jesus said and didn’t say, they have a newfound faith.

Have you ever taken time and really thought about what you believe and then put it through severe questioning? If it is truth both in methodology and principle, then why fear to put it through the test. You are not testing God; you are simply taking everything and comparing it with God’s word. Shouldn’t we take everything and compare it God’s word?

Training up a child in the way they should go doesn’t mean teach them they way you do things. Jesus is the way, everything else they need to discover on their own. Be there guide them, pray for them, and simply love them.

2009-12-11T12:39:00.000-08:00

Invictus literally means "unconquered." This is an inspiring poem. As a believer in Christ, we are struck down but not destroyed, but most of walk around conquered. You were not made to be conquered, Christ defeated death and enslavement for you, and you are clothed with the Invictus Christ!

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

for my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matter not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

2009-12-06T17:35:00.000-08:00

So much of my life was revolved around “doing Christianity”. I don’t believe God meant for us to “do Christianity”, but be what he created us to be. A child that delights in His Kingdom, running around showing Him how much we love as we jump on Abba’s lap and give a big hug for the grace and love he bestowed on us.

Last night I was pondering what following Christ really looked like, since I erased that too. The format that a “good Christian” should follow is this; read your bible and pray everyday. That idea was so foundational that a song was made out of it, and it seems that anything foundational to the American Christian is made into a song for children to be indoctrinated with. Think about, “This little light of mine,” or “The B-I-B-L-E,” these songs teach us what it means to be a good Christian. I believe God has made us all unique creatures and following Him looks and sounds and feels different. We will all have the same foundational elements of our walks, but your stride will be different.
Think about this, do you have any two relationships that are exactly the same? Or, let say you have two friends and they are your closest, actually the three of you consider each other “siblings from another mother.” Is any one of these relationships with your “siblings” exactly the same? Of course not, there have been times where one sibling knows something that the other one doesn’t, so it won’t hurt feelings. No one relationship with God is exactly the same as the other. So, how can you put the same model of “following Jesus” on top of every Christian? I would think that whatever it takes for you to have a thriving and deep walk with God that is the model to follow. We can take principles from scripture, and look at what Jesus did, but I don’t see a particular pattern with Jesus. There are things we teach children that Jesus never taught the disciples. We wonder why we have a troublesome product coming out of the churches! (I say “product” because that is the terminology I have heard from multiple senior pastors). Training up a child in the way it should go does not mean that you teach them your preferences of christianity. Ministering to teenagers, I have seen much of this; though I do indicate to students to obey your parents since you are under there authority, and if you want to bring up a contradicting notion, do it respectfully. I do understand that parents want their children to learn church right, but what gives us the right to really say what is "right" when most people take what the pastor says to the bank. Nobody takes time to really look at the bible without the presuppositions of their denomination and/or parents.

It is a possibility to read God's word without most presuppositions, but that will require you to erase your entire whiteboard. Rage against what others tell you to be.

Live Deep.

More of the White Board

2009-11-17T23:01:00.000-08:00

I had some really good questions about my whiteboard analogy. My last wednesday night with my students, I have them my recent testimony. I gave them the same analogy that I did in a previous entry. The whiteboard. I am not going to address any of the questions here, because I answered them all on that wednesday night. If you were not there you can download it at http://myahcc.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=58415. It may not be there to much longer, since I am not on staff there anymore.

Anyways, I did want to further develop my illustration. Previously, my whiteboard of life had a jumbled mess of what I was taught, told, and thought, what it was to live as a "good christian." So, instead of sorting through it, I erased that whole thing, even God. I then wrote, in a sharpie, Jesus in the middle of the board. He is whom I follow. Everything else I am reconsidering.

With that being said, I want to address an issue of blindness. Suppose you were blindfolded and you were told to erase a white board chuck full of words and phrases. You would feel around to discover the dimensions, so you knew how far to erase. But since you can't feel the marker on the board, you just start going at it. You erase vigorously, and when you sense you got everything, you stop. Taking the blind fold off cautiously, you hoping you eradicated everything. Looking at the board, you notice many marks and half letters you missed.

Just like this you can miss things when you are erasing your whiteboard. I noticed this when I was talking with a student that had erased their board. I still detected some ideology and cliches on their board. When I pointed them out, they didn't realize they had missed it. And that is okay, we will miss things from time to time. Just keep that eraser in hand!

When I erased my board, I came with the idea that all of it was wrong. The only thing I knew was right was God. I would go as far to say that everything on that board was told to be truth, and this is how you are supposed to do it. I say that because I didn't know how much of it I concluded myself through study. That is why I erased it all. I didn't want to have any doubt about anything on the board. That is why you use a sharpie instead of a dry erase marker. You can't erase a sharpie!

When discussing blindness with and about christians, it can be very subjective. Each party will think the other is blind. It is difficult to prove your case, especially when scripture is interpreted differently through the lens of your own knowledge of the bible. To be at all objective in the debate, both parties must be willing to be vulnerable. Open to be proven wrong. Humbling yourself. If you both desire what is right, true, and pure, then you must be willing to be proven wrong. If your ideology is right, then what is the worry? Wisdom does not promote to have pride in your knowledge. You can say that people are blind, if you are willing to humble your own blindness and be proven wrong!

I hope with each passing day we see a little more clear!

Odds are against you

2009-11-17T22:18:00.000-08:00

I have heard a few authors/writers say that real authors and writers write no matter if they feel the creative flow or not. Meaning, they write everyday, even if it mean crappy first drafts or stuff that never get published. That is a paraphrase from Anne Lamott book "Bird by Bird." So that is what I am doing. Trying to be and writer. To be an author, it is not required that you have anything published, technically, but when asked a person will inquire what you have wrote. That is a goal of mine, but not the main goal. The main goal is to fulfill a passion. More a desire that has developed in this past year. I hated writing when growing up, and reading for that matter. We all change. Change happens, and those who don't change are dead anyway.

The odds are very much against me. I am a B.A. holder that barely passed english 101. Actually, let me digress. In elementary, I was behind in reading levels, and had to be dismissed from class when we would read together, and read with lower classes. I finally caught up with my level, but still didn't understand a darn thing. Reading test were a shot in the dark. When I got into college, I did so bad on the ACT test that I had to take a 0 credit english class my freshman year. So, I have great great understanding of english going for me. Also, I am reading about the odds of getting published and making a good living out of it. Not encouraging. Lastly, I don't have a group of authors to help coach me. I was lucky to be able to chat with Frank Viola via twitter. That has helped point me into a direction. What direction, I don't know.

I am searching violently to know what direction that is, but maybe I am not supposed to know. (That will make my mother nervous!) No worries mom! I have joined the club of the unemployed. I will not go into full story here. This event in my life is helping my put somethings into perspective. Whether God orchestrated this or he let it happen, I will not know, but it has set something BIG in motion and I am not the only that feels it. My landlord and I had a chat about our contract agreement, since we will be moving back to MO, and he sensed the same thing. And another I talked to testified to the same. Then, I was reminded of past utterances that were spoken over Rachel and I. As I am recalling all of this, I am becoming smaller and smaller in the hands of God. If, in my weakness He is strong, then I want to be infinitesimally small and vulnerable.

The odds are against me, and I am glad they are. What better way for God to show his glory against all odds. It freaks me out, but that is okay. Just down here doing the best that I can.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2009-11-16T05:15:00.000-08:00

Today is a special day. My wife's birthday! The status update on my Face-Book isn't long enough to tell how special she is to me. She is a very unique creation that God, with the help of her parents, knitted together. In God's omnipotence, it took him 9 months to form her. Her beauty, her emotions, her spirit, talents, gifts, and even her genes; which produced the most beautiful child! That is quit the creation. I wouldn't change her for the world. She has shown me more love than I deserve. I have done some dumb stuff! I mean d-u-m-b! And she has forgiven me every time.

I remember the time where she gave me a gift, it was a scrapbook of some of our favorite and special times when we were dating. At the time I was still in my dorm at college, and for some reason I can't remember, I got mad. So mad, that I took and threw it way. Please don't give me a negative comment, because I eternally regret this! I knew she was extremely hurt by this, because she put much thought and time into it. I know she still feels the wounds of it. I wish I could take it back.

I thank God for giving me the opportunity to care for her. I have not always done a good job. Ok. Much of the time, a real crappy job. But I have learned a lot in these past 4 years. Rachel needs to be treasured, nurtured, loved, respected, and heard. I haven't done a great job at these things. I was so concerned about my job and calling that I left her out to dry. I thought I was doing right by keeping my job and providing for the family, but it was costing my family. Not a good trade off. God, Spouse, Immediate family (Ireland), family, and then ministry. I thought I had my priorities right, but I was blind. I have straightened them out considerably, but still struggle from time to time.

Now, I have a mission to find the place where she shines. Her dreams and Our dreams become a reality.

I cannot look over the fact through everything we share a beautiful child. Ireland, almost two years old. She is such an adorable sweetie, much like her mother. She is so much of a joy. And people, the second one will be the same. Just because your first baby was a good baby and your second was terrible, don't put that on me! I love my two girls so very much.

Rachel has sacrificed a lot for our family. She has had opportunities to go to schools world wide, but she stayed. She has sacrificed time, to earn money to help the family. Things that she didn't want to do, but she did them anyway. I am so grateful for her. That is why I want to spotlight her. Not just on her birthday, but every chance I get and for the whole world to see.

I like her. I love her. You can love someone but not like them. I like Rachel Kelsey.

Life has been messy, but I wouldn't change it. Expect for when i threw away that scrapebook!

I love you, babe! Happy Birthday!

Hubby

XooOxXXoOOXoxO.

nagging thought

2009-11-04T06:57:00.000-08:00

I have this nagging thought in my spirit about a false sense of security. I see many Christians, including pastors, that have a blinding false sense of security. We say that we are not saved by works or deeds, but ask any church goer to stop going church. Saying that would have labeled you a heathen, and the believer would strongly feel that they were being disobedient by not going to a building in which we call the church. We judge the Pharisees because of their tradition and long flowing robes, and we think our traditions, done out of the "right heart of course", and suit and tie are better. Ha. If so, then we are modern pharisees!

Some reading this already disagree and anger is brewing. Does your anger show you something? The pharisees got so angry they killed him. Oh, but your anger is "holy" anger, thanks for that correction.

My point is, that we are so blinded by the safety of what we do as believers yet we are so blind by the false sense of security. This is a great place for the devil to have us. He doesn't care if you are christian, just as long he can keep you feeling safe.

For, many years now, I have had this false sense of security, and now that I am stripping it away, I feel like I am a wet piece of clay again. I am ready for God to mold me into His image. Again, I wiped away my whole white board (read previous entry) started with Jesus, and now I am letting His Word tell me how to live and be his church. Doing so, is a terrifying step to take. You are going against everything you have been told about church and "how to live". Much of it has no biblical standard. When I "officially" did this, I felt that I was being shamed, but after being confirmed by the spirit, not by emotion or reason, I was liberated! Everything I add to the white board is in permanent marker, carefully examined by the whole scripture and not just pieces of it.

Not in anyway, am I saying that my parents taught me wrong. They taught me from what they knew and believed. I have not departed from the truth that God exist and Jesus is my Savior, but for everything else I am reconsidering. Dad and Mom, I love you and you guys did a great job.

Rachel and Ireland, you stretch me to be that best man of God, husband, father, son, and friend. I couldn't do it with out you. I love you so.

I dare everyone to strip off everything they know about church and God, and start over with a blank whiteboard. Start with Jesus, then carefully add what God commanded after that.

I am so thankful, that I saw the false sense of security.

Live Deep

Rob

Conflict Resolution

2009-10-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

(Didn't have time to fully edit this blog, so I apologize for errors.)

The definition of my walk with God has been violently erased. Not by conflict or smooth talk from false ideas, but by a process of study, prayer, and muse. Everything I had learned about God, church, and how to live holy has been written on a white board before me. Some, right in the eyes of God, and some, right in the eyes of man. This reckoning has erased the entire board, and I was left with a sharpie.

Yes, I know it is wrong to use a sharpie on white boards, but don't miss my point. If you write on the board with a dry erase marker then you can write and erase what ever you want. Carelessly believing without thought and then denouncing that belief because it has proved wrong. Didn't Paul say not to be "tossed back and forth by the wind"? If you write with permanence then you give careful thought of why and what you do. Of course, God can still take the permanent write over it with a dry erase and wipe it clean. (try it, it is a trick I learned). This is the path that I am carefully walking. It took me some time to completely erase the whole board, due to such act thought of as a sin. Looking at a blank board, I wrote one word that i had no doubt of and that is Jesus. I quickly was reminded that "In the beginning was the Word". Jesus is where I started over.

In many of my profiles, I describe my journey as "live deep", or "running into the depths to follow Jesus in its purest form". My heart cries to know God through the intimacy of His Word, not by the thoughtless traditions of man.

This all brings me to another point in my white board journey. Conflict. I was recently at a Donald Miller book tour, where discussed his new book, "Million Miles in a Thousand Years". He made some comments that really intrigued me. Conflict is good and God created it. Sin did not bring it into the world. Now, don't get me wrong, sin can create a lot of conflict, but before sin was ever on the scene, there was conflict. Think about this. God created Adam. Then, He asked him to name all of the animals and to find a help mate; this is one heck of job. Within that process God points out the conflict, after all that naming of animals no help mate was suitable. There is your conflict, and it is before sin ever came in. So, is conflict a part of the being of God? Is that why we were created ? I don't believe conflict always means disagreement, especially between the trinity. Was conflict intended to help us develop our relationship with God before the fall? And now, God still uses it to help us "work out our salvation" with reverence (fear) and careful thought(trembling)? In C.S Lewis' writings, he indicates that there will be conflict in heaven. Don't confuse conflict with sin. We will be perfect in the sense of heavenly bodies and cleansed from all sins, but we will still not be omniscient. When you resolve conflict, you are wiser and refined in character. Conflict resolved brings joy and a change of character, thus bringing glory to God.

This conflict within me still needs to be resolved completely. Deeply ingrained into me is the notion that end of conflict means no more problems in a particular area. That is why I bought a vacuum, but i still have problems with dirt in my house. My conflict will only be resolved when I am at The Wedding Supper of the Lamb. Hope to be breaking bread with you there.

Just to kick off...

2009-10-05T19:59:00.000-07:00

I have been hesitant to start a blog. Why? Probably that same reason why I am discouraged to write a book. When you walk in a book store, what are you looking for? Most likely a particular author, or a certain topic that strikes your fancy. Certainly not a guy to writes down random thoughts of life, church, Jesus, marriage, children, and many other ideas. My book would have an obnoxious cover just to get someone to pick up and see what the commotion is about. So my blog is lost within the thousands until someone cares of what I think, would like to discuss it, or likes to glean "wisdom and knowledge" from my rantings. But then I thought, if i do it for others, then why I do it won't matter, because then I would be a dancing monkey collecting quarters at a fair for others entertainment. No. I do it, because I like to write. Put things out there for the world to read and see. To possibly make a difference in someone's world, just by reading my story. Primarily, to write my story, and make it a physical piece of Creation. My purpose is to seek Jesus and serve Him in its purest form. Live hard. Live Deep. Live to Sacrifice.